Mark of the INTJ Rational-Mastermind

From a fellow 1%'er, an INFJ (developer, inspirer, author, foreseer) ... thanks for making me break out the Myers-Briggs results and helping me refocus on my type and how it fits into current dynamics.

Hi Stacey!

It's lovely to have you here and it is a pleasure to meet you.

Thanks for posting your thoughts on these temperament tests. They can be really helpful if used in the right way. :)

I do like the idea of temperament tests and in the processing of investigating further ^_^. Self development so good. I am also a fellow Mastermind which surprised me, but then I had a look at what i really do on reflex and I would have to say that it would be correct. yay!

Rosa!

It is a pleasure to meet you! We Rational-Masterminds get along quite well together.

Thanks for stopping in to post a "hello" and I hope to see you here again! :)

From yet another INTJ, your description sounds about right. Some characteristics don't quite apply to me in the way that they are written. I've found that the entire world seems to be greyscale, so the INTJ classification is not strictly accurate. For example, I found out from an INTP I know that I exhibit an emergent behavior of the INTP type. It is an avoidance of imaginary lines extending from the diagonals of objects in a room. I don't go nuts about avoiding them, but I don't deliberately stand on them either.

Hi Mirath!

Thanks for checking in here. It's always good to meet another INTJ. I understand all personality types overlap a bit and as we age we try to overcome the shortcomings of some of our less dominant areas.

I appreciate the sharing of your truth.

Eloquently expressed. Thanks, David.

Hi Liz!

That means a lot coming from you. :)

Great article David!

From another INTJ.

Derrell

Hey Derrell --

Thanks so much for popping in to leave a comment!

My employer uses a similar test to determine the strengths of their employees. Are you familiar with the Gallup Strength Finder / Clifton Strength Finder? My top five strengths are very much in line with my INTJ preference:

1)Learner
2)Analytical
3)Ideation
4)Strategic
5)Responsibility

Hi Angela!

Thanks for sharing the results of your strengths test.

I am not familiar with the Gallup test but the results sure are interesting! :)

Ah! There's more than one of me in the world? I've never been described so accurately as the above.

Carolyn --

It's fine to have you checking in here and I'm glad you are feeling a little less alone. :)

I discovered the MBTI test about seven months ago. After testing as INTJ, it was a surprise to me also to discover that I wasn't alone in the world. I really like what you wrote about not making the same mistake twice. I am obsessive about it. I really enjoyed your breakdown.

Heya Peggy!

It is nice to see you here. I am glad you found the article effective and appropriate!

I've been taking the meyers-briggs since I was 21. I am now 25 and have changed from a INTJ to a INTP and am presently a INFP. Anyone else growing or being molded by new expierences? To my understanding the first two traits are the strongest. Any comments would be appreciated

Hi alex --

Thanks for posting your inquiry and I hope someone will be able to authoritatively answer your question.

thanks to you sir. I just happened to cross your site from a INTJ search and I really enjoy your writing.

Hi! I came across your blog via an INTJ search. I enjoyed this article and I laughed when I came to the "Sometimes we Disappear." This is soooo true! I'm always disappearing! Thanks for pointing out something about myself that made me laugh.

Hi alex -- Thanks for letting me know how you found us. I hope you are doing well.

Hello Bets! -- Thanks for showing up long enough to post your comment! :) Disappearing is the hardest thing for others to understand about us. I still don't see it as disappearing so I really have to be careful where I wander when I'm in a group of people.

Thank you for the well-written personal perspective.

Hey Randy!

Thank you for you kind comment. You made my day!

well ....

now that i know im not alone in this world

anyone have plans to change it ??

we could exchange info and work together...

now if i could only get these sheeple out my way...

:)

Dan!

We've already taken over the world!

The other 99% just don't realize it. :)

Nice to have you on board and we're here to help you deal with the sheeple herd.

Hey there! Making one of the most difficult decisions of my life currently. Should I go with physics, economics, join the military as an officer, or get my masters in global leadership? Ah what a world, so many possibilities, so much research to be done. Others who post here should take a moment to describe their career experiences ;)

Welcome, Justin!

I'm sure you will get some excellent feedback here. Thanks for stopping by to say hello.

Nice to meet you! I'm a Japanese University student and also categorized as a no-nonsense INTJ guy. Your article was so enjoyable that I laughed loudly in my room in Tokyo(off course,my room is full of books).Yes I can laugh. We INTJs laugh.

By the way,my Univ(University of Tokyo) seems to have lots of INTJs. So I felt no need to laugh or smile in front of people. But now I know sometimes I must smile or pretend to laugh outside my Univ. Thanks to you, I've had good practice!

Oh. Feel free to criticize my POOR English.
And be blunt and cruel, it saves time!

Hi One Japanese!

I love your writing! You communicate your spirit and your mind quite well.

We're only blunt and cruel when working on stuff together, not when we're meeting new friends. :)

Thanks for posting your message and it really is a joy me meet you!

Thank you for your reply. Because of a time diffrence, it's August 20th in Japan. And I'm going to go to a club meeting tonight. As a supreme strategist, now I'm devising a master-plan which might enable me to schmooze with riff-raffs at the meeting.

Needless to say, this master-plan will cost me another 24hours.....

Ha!

You make me laugh out loud, One! :)

It is so strange that you're there and I'm here and you're a day ahead of me. It bends the mind!

Hi David,
I'm an Aussie uni student in my final year and recently a friend doing a psychology degree pointed me towards the MBTI test, which I just couldn't resist doing as I'm contradictingly sceptical yet open to these tests. It turns out that I'm a fellow INTJ, and I couldn't believe how accurately the INTJ type description described me. So for a while I've been searching for more information about INTJ's.
I have to say that your description, or more so your discussion on the common misperceptions of INTJ's, is spot on right down to the word. I just wish that everyone who knows me, or more to the point everyone who doesn't 'know' me, would come by and read it too and save me wasting my time and breath trying to explain myself as succinctly and eloquently as you have. And as Dan mentions, if only we could get the sheeple out of the way. heheh, but you're reply to Dan was spot on, thoroughly enjoyable :)

keep up the good work

Hey euForia!

I appreciate your intricate comments and it is a pleasure to meet you.

I think I should starting sending anyone I plan to work with in the future to this post and comments so they can know what they're getting into before they're too far into it! :)

Yes, we are massively misunderstood and while it seems to work for other types to say "that's just the way I am" when we say it we get glares and looks of disgust! :)

Oh, well. I guess that's the price we pay for being able to perceive the future. :)

Haha!

Too true, too true! :)
I know all too well exactly what those glares and looks of disgust look like! Which is all the more reason why I appreciate how well you have described the dilemmas we INTJs face.

I've always had trouble trying to properly explain to people what I'm like and not to take things I do/say too personally, then ended up being so exasperated that I try to pull off the good old 'that's just the way I am'. But as you rightly say, it seems we aren't allowed to get away with it!

So I hope you don't mind if I pinch some of your words of wisdom and use them to help me explain myself to others.

Cheers, Tim (euForia is just my online alias)

Hey Tim!

I am here to help you in any way I can. We INTJ "1%-ers" need to stick together!

Send those who wish to know here if you like to read up on the wide variety of folk we have here.

We're not so strange, really! No, really! :)

Nicely written piece, coming from another INTJ it is nice to see a more in-depth description of what we (as a general personality class) are often like, and pretty accurate for me, both the characteristics and the reasonings.

I especially appreciate the "Not Cold and Distant", "Viciously Loyal", and "Moving forward/Not Living in the Past" elements. I've lost count of the number of times I've been told I am arrogant when instead it's exactly what you described in the "Moving forward..." section. Thankfully my boss is similar to the INTJ type (don't know his exact one) with a matching belief in getting the job done the best way with the best tool and not letting it get personal.

Very nice, going to have to shoot this to some of my long-time friends who still find me confusing on occasion for these very characteristics...

It's quite lovely to meet you, S.! :grin:

We are terribly misunderstood by most people. That's why it's good we find each other and hang out a bit in the "1% Club." :)

One good thing about being misunderstood is we don't dwell on it much even though it may wound us a little!

Quite thought provoking. I, too, as an INTJ share much of the observations/experiences you have published. I must add though, for myself, I tend to remove myself from the crowd to also regroup. Or for a better term - re-centre myself. It's simply exhausting having to deal with a lot people, especially if they are engaged in idle chatting rituals - something I dread more than listening to musak in an elevator.

Well said, Bernadette, and I share precisely the same station you describe! You are not alone! :)

great article, fellow Mastermind Rational here.

very on point

-Julius

Thanks for checking in, Julius! It is nice to have you with us!

Mix this personality type assessment system with the blood type personalities and you will get a real eye opener!

A's are calm on the inside with emotions on the inside. O's are more down to earth and to the point. B's are unpredictable. I only know one AB, she changes alot and they are known to be traitors. There are alot of A and O couples. B's attract B's but do not always marry them. Two O's seldomly get along in marriage unless there is an age difference.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules! Interesting!

INTJ, type O

Thanks for sharing your analysis, Kristie!

David-

I really enjoyed reading this...thanks so much!

Hayley
INTJ /1%-er

Hi Hayley!

Thanks for the comment and thanks for stopping by to read my article!

Very interesting stuff that personaliy test is. Me personally, I've yet to find a set that fits me perfectly. But of the test I've taken so far the group set that has fitted me best is the INTP and INTJ. I always fluctuate between the two. And I'm always close between the thinker and feeler, but the thinking always comes out on top. Thus I seem to have a lot a of characteristics of a few of the personlality types. Mostly the two aforesaid. Anyone else anything like that whatsoever? I'd love to hear about it. By the way, I can greatly appreciate the contingincy planning and the objectiveness of a hardcore INTJ. Wish there were more of you out there!

Hey Curt --

You ask some excellent questions and I'm sure someone here will jump in and give you the correct answer or at least offer another path to explore.

David,my compliments to you on a well written detailed in-depth analysis on the INTJ. Thanks so much, also relationships as an INTJ, bother me, I've never seem to have the special one, when at first I think, that someone is that 'one' down the way, however I lose interest,relationships seem to be the hardest thing, for an INTJ, to bear!

Also is it a common trait of an INTJ, to have OCD? what about the concerns with contamination and germs and illnesses, i try very much so to live a healthy lifestyle. Perfectionism is my favourite term, and it used to describe me, everything must be perfect, i'm a detailed-oriented person, any INTJ'S share this?

thank you, David

Hi Darrell --

Relationships are tough, but we usually know who and what we want before the other person and the secret to starting a successful relationship is to pipe down and wait for the other person to come to you.

OCD and INTJ is not something I am qualified to answer, but perhaps someone else reading this will have an idea.

hello everyone,

thank you for this article. i found out about being intj lately.

i also often have a sudden strong urge to leave a social event immediateley, which most of the time i do without saying good bye. you are the first person i hear of this too, i always felt like being kind of weird in comparison to other people, but i usually didnt care about it.

Hi mike!

I am thrilled to meet you and thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself.

Yes, making a quick exit is part of our nature -- but no harm is intended -- we just instantly get a good idea of something else to do!

Hey David,

Have you ever tried ''true colors''? Following is the link:

http://www.cgcanada.com/cgcanada/truecolors.html

I will check out the "true colors" Katha, thanks for the link!

Ahhhh so that explains a lot - thank you, right im off
(i said goodbye )

Nice to meet you William, and I hope you pop in (come back) again soon!

hello,

thanx for the article!

the first time i found out i was INTJ i was shocked. coz, 1st, i didn't like to be described as Hannibal Lektor, 2nd, i didn't like that smb else knew so perfectly what i am, what i do, and what i am good and bad at. it scared me. it made me feel somehow inferior to psychologists, there was something that i didn't know... such a big informational gap in my brain...

then when i read and analyzed what they wrote there about me, i understood that denying myself won't help anyway.

i used to think that i am the only one who is so un-understood by surrounding people, and the only who neglects all those social rituals, but it comes out it's not only me who thinks that all that courtesy is stupid.

actually i'm not that intelligent as they describe INTJs, and i don't really like myself wasting time working out all those plans A,B,C... but i do, yes, i do... and i waste time, i better go and act, but i can't... coz i have to think first, altho it'd be easier go and act and then think... as all the rest of the world does and succeed.

are we really that successful? i doubt it. coz i'm not 'socially' popular, and that hinders my professional success... =( stupid people tend to rely on alike.

maybe we (INTJs) should create a blogring somewhere (like in xanga.com)? so we could track and analyze ourselves?

best regards,
kamilah
(and i think this year i'm going to uni of tokyo. man, hopefully the japanese guy didn't lie when he said that there are a lot of INTJs. hontounisounano?)

Hi kamila --

Thanks for checking in with us and providing a whole new perspective on what it means to be an INTJ! There are many variations and levels to us all.

Quite amazing that such a temperament is so rare, so undervalued, but, yet so valuable. I am proud to be a fellow INTJ--it's about the only topic about which I do not disagree.............

It's great to have you with us, Mike!

Thanks for stopping in to say "Hello!"

Hello I am an INTJ, found out working at the NSA, many moons ago. The description on your blog almost fits me exactly, It is good to meet someone who is like me, I get tired of being called odd.

Nice to meet you, Old Blue!

You are not odd here. You fit right in!

Welcome.

:grin:

I am fascinated with some of your thoughts on the topic of personality types. Since a very young age I have undergone testing for inteligence and ADD and others. When I first entered college I took an meyers briggs personality test for the first time as part of a class. The professor has all of us write our type up on the board. In one corner was everyone else on the class in various degrees of strength determined by the test results. Only I was in the other corner; the lone INTJ of the class. At first I thought I took the test wrong, not fully comprehending the nature of the results, but over time I began to realize what the results really meant and honestly do describe a number of my behaviors. Until reading your thoughts on this website, I always felt as If I were a hybrid type of INTJ since I seemed to perscribe to almost all of the positive INTJ traits, but few of the negatives such as social awkwardness and lack of emotions.

I realized from reading your website that I intentionally have forced myself to become more social since the rest of the world deems it very important. In regard to issues such as saying goodbye at parties, or leaving groups during a conversation, I could care less. Despite this, I have grown and taught myself to act more appropriately and maintain social graces. You also mentioned an intense amount of reading and a general thirst for knowledge. Some people complain of boredom in their free time, while I can constantly entertain myself through google searches or reading magazines, even product labels. When I was 11 years old I would read 300 page novels in 2-3 days just because I could, and would go through so many books at a time, my parents begged me to start going to the library so they wouldn't have to buy new books for me every week.

I seem to also have always placed an extremely high value on good friends and maintaining connections. For some reason I have always valued this more highly than most people, and I have not read about this as being a typical INTJ trait prior to your posting. I would like to thank you for that, it seems as if we have something in common. Additionally, it seems that there is a strong correlation between inteligence and INTJ, which I recognize and respect. I was troubled at a younger age by ADD and OCD that limited my capacity to succeed at a very high level in school. As I have grown older I am able to control my focus so that tasks are more managable. This contributed to a strong habit of perfectionism and lack of efficiency in daily tasks, which consequentially caused me great frusteration and pain.

On a final note, I was awed by your explanation of how INTJs like to hear about their actions in the past and be told very abruptly if they have done something wrong. I have always demanded that people tell me if I behave inappropriately or upset them in the past, so that I can understand my actions and make a concious effort to improve upon the past. I also should mention that I view the world in such a way that certain things 'NEED' to be done in certain ways, since I view it as being more efficient and practical. I will explain a situation in a moment, but I fault others for not following this same protocol without proper explanation. I often will ask people to explain their actions so that I can understand the logic behind them and compare it to my own. Although I am resolute in my beliefs, I am quick admit fault if I feel someone else has a better system.

A good example of this was with one of my college roommates. Our bathroom was configured in such a way that the toilet sat next to the shower (the bathtub type), and had the towel rack on the opposite wall. So, picture the shower covering the far wall of the bathroom, and at each end on the open side of the tub picture objects against the walls. The shower faucet and knob were on the wall next to the toilet (this is important, just bear with me). When I would shower I would always push the curtain towards the toilet so to prevent splashing over the toilet and magazines, but more to allow myself maximum space to enter the shower. My roommate would always push the shower curtain to the far wall, which limited his entry to the shower to only the middle 50% of the tub because of the toilet and the curtain. Now it isn't as if I needed the extra foot of space, as I am about 5 ft 10 inches and 160 lbs, but it frusterated the hell out of me for months because I viewed his behavior as unjustified and absolutely inefficient. I have never shared this story before because I feel that most people would find it silly and ridiculous, but I am curious to know if others can relate to this story through similiar experiences.

I also do not typically fit the scientific profile, and actually favor business strategy and entrepreneurial skills, while disliking math and mathematical sciences. I perform very well publicly and am an excellent in interview situations. I have not yet reached my aspirations (there are in fact very many), but as a career path I have always fancied investment banking (beyond the analyst level) or corporate law. I thrive in environments where I am able to attend meetings and meet with clients on a face to face basis. I have a vicious drive to achieve success, and I apply it to all aspects of my life. I will either put my absolute best effort into everything I do, or will not participate at all. I have an 'all' or 'nothing' mentality and often get so engrossed with one thing that I find it distracts me from other responsibilities if I am not careful. An appropriate application of this concept can be applied to my affinity for reading, where it would be commonplace for me to pick up a 300 page book and read it cover to cover in one sitting, often at a cost of losing many hours of sleep.

I'm glad I was able to share this, and never intended to write a miniature memoir, but I hope it allows others to gain inciteful ideas as to their own personalities. One other curiosity that I have had for some time now is it seems there is more information floating around the internet relating to people of the INTJ personality type than on any other personality type. I imagine it is because INTJs are far more likely to be intrigued by information and are just more likely to research and discuss their ideas more than the rest of the population. For only 2% of the population, it sure appears as if a lot more people are INTJ.

Best Regards,

Corey

Hi Corey!

It great to meet you and I thank you for posting your first comment here on this blog!

The shower curtain thing is very INTJ -- there is a better way, why doesn't the world recognize it?!!

We have to be careful in that sort of situation, however, because we can easily be branded as dictatorial or controlling or impossible when we bring up issues like the inefficiency of the placement of the shower curtain. People have been sent to loony bins for less egregious comments.

We need to learn to pick our battles because the world loves imperfection even though we, as INTJs, can make everything under our purview perfect but that talent tends to drive other people crazy.

I'm impressed by the quick responses and I admire the web blog. It has been a goal of mine to devote some sincere effort to writing one of these days. You may or may not be shocked by my age, but my college schedule keeps me far too busy lately. In other news, you are completely right about what we can now call the 'shower curtain concept'. Most people wouldn't understand this, and this is exactly why I do not bring it to their attention. Part OCD? perhaps, but everyone is a bit obsessive compulsive now and then. We are a rare breed, and it has been a pleasure to share some thoughts with you David. Hopefully, keep in touch.

-Corey

It's a divine pleasure to meet you, Corey, and I wish you all the best.

I'm here if you need me!
:grin:

This is interesting to know that though I am an ISTJ, I get along so well with INTJs in general……I have discovered today that one of my very good friends in class is an INTJ!

I better take the test again!!! :D

Be sure to let us know the results of your re-test, Katha!

I recently took the Keirsey test and Humanmetrics test and found out that I am an INTJ Rational--Mastermind. It really made me understand why I do some of the things I do. I have all the traits of a classic INTJ in regards to loyalty, thirst for knowledge, contingency planning, being distant and sometimes being what is perceived as abrasive and short with people. I have few friends, but they are very good friends. I have been accused of being arrogant, cold, rude, and even crazy. I have learned the art of small talk, although I hate it, but it is a part of life. People say that they "can't figure me out" and that I seem preoccupied when they drone on with mindless small talk. I tell them that I am listening, but while they are babbling I am also trying to figure out how to take over the world!! It's nice to know that there are other people out there like me...even if it is only 1%!!

Eric!

It's great to meet you and I thank you for posting your first comment here with us and I hope it is the first of many!

Great article!! I'm having marriage problems because my wife thinks I'm "cold-hearted." To make it worse I couldn't disagree with her! Before finding out about INTJ personality, I just thought I was weird, I accepted it, and moved on. Now I'm beginning to understand myself and trying to make these things work in my favor instead of letting them hold me down. One thing I'd like to bring up-- am I the only INTJ that doesn't give a !&#$# about holidays, including birthdays, especially my own. I think Christmas and birthdays are for kids, not adults. I treat holidays like any other day, but I do like being off work, lol. Also, I LOVE watching movies in empty theaters, and will only go on weekdays, preferably during the day. I also prefer watching movies (DVD or TV) alone or only with certain people, if others are around I will "disappear." Anyway, I can go on and on about my strangeness, thanks again for the article, maybe I should write my own. I just hate to be presumptuous in thinking others are as weird as I am. Thanks for the great article.

Welcome, Tai!

It is nice to meet you.

I thank you for your first comment here and I hope you will become a regular with us!

Speaking of regulars, this discussion seems to have peaked my interest. I don't think you are alone in your dislike of holidays. Personally, i don't tell anyone my birthday, and for most holidays I tend to ignore them as best I can. The one holiday I enjoy is Thanksgiving, and I'm not sure I can explain why. As for movies, I don't like to watch them in big groups, and even on occasion I like to go to a theater alone and just zone out for a while. I'm not asocial, but a balance seems to be good..and honestly, I don't see the benefit of spending time with people unless I truly enjoy their company, or can benefit somehow. Generally, I tend to be extremely selective in who I seek out as friends. I associate with many, but like and respect very few people.

Corey, my sister (lives with me while going to college) always complains that I use the sliding glass door (instead of curtains) of the shower (w/ tub) "backwards," I open the sliding door and exit away from the toilet, where there's more room. I never thought twice about it until I read your post, lol.

Katha, I took some test to see what type would be my ideal mate and it came up ISTJ. Here's what it said:

Your ideal mate is known as the Inspector (ISTJ). As a romantic partner, this type is dependable and predictable. They usually like things done in very specific ways. They tend to appreciate tradition, and they work hard to achieve goals. They have trouble sharing their feelings, though. In their eagerness to be organized and productive, they can also be unwilling to examine or embrace alternative points of view. They like to be appreciated for their practical contributions, their common sense, and the efforts they make to keep your lives on track. They like to be thanked often, both informally and formally and are most likely to be upset when their partners forget a tradition they hold dear, such as an anniversary.

Hey!

That's interesting!!! I didn't know it, but I have three very good friends(I branded myself as choosy and picky.... :D) with whom I like to spend time with and all of them are INTJ.

In fact the reason I thought about retaking the test was Corey’s post; I found myself almost echoing the same words about entertaining myself through google surf or reading…..

Good to know it – thanks a lot!

That is great to hear Katha, I'm glad I was able to help you out. I dont assume I have a complete grasp of these concepts and the differences in people, but I do believe that in order to succeed, it is important to first understand one's self. Keep the discussion going, we can all benefit from this greatly.

Corey, I really don't care for holidays...or funerals either. I do it more for my family than anything else. Most times I don't even do it then. Thanksgiving is pretty cool though, but only because I like to eat!! Sometimes I will go to parties, if only to zone out, the same way you do at the movies, and only with some of my FEW select friends, but honestly, I feel the same way. It doesn't benefit me to spend time with people if I don't or can't enjoy their company. Sometimes I go because I get a good laugh out of the 99% and their social activities in their never-ending quest to be COOL. The 99% view us as distant, but they are the same way, to a smaller extent. They pick and choose who they want to be friends with, and so do we. We just don't pick and choose everyone and we're not really offended if they don't like it. Personally, I don't care. If a person doesn't have some knowledge for me that I can use, I really don't want to hear it. I have learned to conform temporarily for the sake of the 99%, only if for the fact that I know as soon as they stop babbling I can get back to building my plan for WORLD DOMINATION!!!!! I guess that's INTJ humor...or maybe not!!

Wow, that was eerie and somewhat chilling!
I recently retired from military service and starting a second adventure (collage) this year. A professor assigned the Jung Typology Test for a class. After learning of my INTJ personality, it exposed an intense introspective look into my soul. I'm an Rational-Mastermind!
I never really thought about my personality type. However, I have always put people into categories; they are good or bad, trustworthy or not, friends or foes… I
search endlessly until an answer is found
standoffish, especially around unfamiliar people
look back on mistakes to find the fix that will prevent its reoccurrence
would give anything to a friend and nothing to the betrayer
always one or two steps ahead
loner and content!

Hello David,

Welcome to the group. I actually have a question I hope you might be able to shed some light on for me. I have often considered a military path for myself, in the past..and still in the present actually. Most of my reluctance stems from the current political situation in the US and foreign affairs, however that is a story for another day. My other concern is based upon my INTJ personality, and I am concerned that my individualism would hinder my success in the military, since it there is so much emphasize on the collective group. I always thought I could excel in the military, and was intrigued to push myself in the Marines or SEAL program. No guarantees I would make the cut, but maybe it is an INTJ trait to be extremely motivated?

Just curious of your thoughts on how your personality worked out in the military. On the other side of the spectrum, I can understand how it would be helpful and encourage strong leadership qualities.

Thanks,

Corey

I think we categorize people into groups i.e, good or bad, friend or foe, because that's just how we are. We know that people fall into a few categories, GOOD or BAD, FRIEND or FOE! INTJ's are always searching for the solution. I often tell people if they don't like me, just tell me, then I know how to deal with them. I hate double talk i.e. "bullshit". I also wanted to join the military at one time, but I have decided with the state of current affairs, I know now I wouldn't have been happy because I wouldn't agree with the cause for going to war. I can't follow an unjust leader or fight another country based on a lie. I think Jesus was the perfect INTJ, with all of the good qualities and none of the bad!! The rarest things in life are usually the most valuable!!

1 percenter for life!!

Hi David. Interesting to read about your personality type. I am curious about something that was unanswered by what you posted. I have a close friend (I perceive him to be, anyway) who is an INTJ. I have always tried to respect his privacy and I have learned that he doesn't respond well if I try to get an emotional response or affirmation from him. So, I am pretty much left in the dark as to whether or not he considers me as close of a friend as I consider him. He always makes time for me when I visit him and on rare occasions he has shown emotion towards me. He also seems to enjoy the social interaction with me and like you, does not like small talk. I quickly picked up that he shows affection via actions rather than words and that he does not form attachments quickly or easily. We have been friends for about 4 years and he has never told me to go away or shown displeasure in my company. So, would you mind enlightening me on how a typical INTJ views friendships and if what I have described means that he probably does value my friendship. I would greatly appreciate the insight there. Also, some pointers on how to best respond to him as a friend would be good. He is very dear to me and I want to make sure that I respect his boundaries. Thanks.

Hi allyson --

I discuss much of your question with Katha earlier in this thread. It sounds like you're a friend and that's it. When INTJs find the love of their life they are extremely verbal about it and can, within five seconds of meeting that person, know "that's the person I'm going to marry" and the mistake many of us make is verbalizing that fact before the object of our affect is even aware we are in the room.

If you were the chosen one for affection you'd know it by now and with INTJs -- in my experience anyway -- once you're tagged as a "friend" that's the way it stays because we know there isn't enough room to genetically change you from the organic inside to fit our narrow needs/demands.

My take on it is –

First, be very clear what do you want from this relationship – just a friendship or something more. If the second one is correct and you feel there is a chance but not sure of your stand – you have to choices – 1) Ask; 2) Stop initiating all contacts. Don’t present yourself as disinterested though – there is a subtle difference between the two. Gauge the other person’s reaction and if you are that indispensable…….he will come back. If no – well, at least you know the answer! Finding an ‘’exit route’’ from a relationship is pretty easy…doesn’t take much – but be sure before you exit – whether an INTJ or not – every individual is different and unique – you can never be sure how a person’s mind works unless you can read the person really well.

Good luck!

I suppose I should clarify something here that I didn't share before in response to both David and Katha. Let's just say that from the first time I met this person that there seemed to be an immediate mutual attraction. I really sensed it from his end. I have been in a serious relationship since I met him and I am very committed to that relationship. I suspected that he had serious attachments to me because first everyone around us would say things about how I was the only person he liked and second because he would say things to me nonchalantly like "well, if you were my girlfriend/wife I would ..."

I am an ESTJ so I am very different from him and I recognize that I communicate my feelings easier than he does. When he has done things that have offended me I have let him know up front and he immediately changes his behavior in that area. I have also let him know that I recognize the mutual attraction and that considering the circumstances there is nothing much we can do about it, but that I would rather have him as my close friend than not to have him in my life at all. He is one of the only people in the world who really understands me and that is priceless to me.

I suppose what I am still wanting to know is, is it within your personality type to lead someone on by thinking you care more than you do? I always supposed by his previous frankness that if I were wrong about the attraction thing he would have set the record straight. He has never hesitated with other issues. But at the times I have spoken about it he would blush and get kind of uncomfortable. I always supposed that was because it just was not the right time to confront the issue. I know he takes commitments as seriously as I do, but because I honor honesty in friendship above all else, I have tried to discuss it with him.

There are times that because of the way he looks at or talks to me I think that he would actually wait the rest of his life for me to be available rather than to be involved with someone else. While that is flattering, he is my friend and I don't want him to sacrifice that way. Then while he is saying something sappy or looking at me "that way" he will catch himself, get really uncomfortable and change the subject. I guess I am second guessing myself because I tend to be somewhat presumptious sometimes by thinking that someone is attracted to me. I guess that deep down, like you said David, I know that he cares. I know that I can't make him date other people if he doesn't want to and if he chooses not to because of me I have to respect that choice. He is a mature middle aged man and he is old enough to not be smitten by fantasy. Sometimes though this is a difficult situation and I feel torn by how I feel. I am sorry this was so long, but now you guys have pretty much the full story. I appreciate any further insight on this and what you think may be going on inside his head. I know it is not totally accurate as we are all unique but I think it will help me understand and respect him better. Thanks.

Sometimes, allyson, a good friend is being the one strong enough to cut the chain so everyone can move on with their separate and untethered lives.

It sounds to me -- based on your story -- you are fully aware you are teasing him and torturing him with your "friendship." Does that strike you as cruel as it strikes me?

You say you keep “catching" what you claim are his true intentions. If that’s true, then you have only one selfless choice: Sever it and be done with him.

You can read my piece on "Men and Kindness" here:

http://urbansemiotic.com/2006/01/10/men-and-kindness/

I don’t know the story of the other side but I feel you need to let him go Allyson, no matter how you enjoy/ respect/ want/ need……..his company. I think you need to show him the ‘’exit route’’ here and tell – this is some kind of ‘’martyrdom’’ happening here which is not healthy. You know that he has already crossed the line of friendship and if you don’t have any plan to join him – cut the tie – be a true well wisher - as David says and I 100% agree with it.

I do see your point David, which is why I have brought it up with him before - or at least I have tried to. This has been the only area where he has not been as direct and blunt as I am used to him being. I have been blunt about the difficulty of maintaining ties despite my preexisting attachment and he claims that he does not see a problem with it. I am not trying to torture him with my friendship (which is part of the problem with trying to relate 4 years of relationship via a 5-6 paragraph e-mail). Rather, he seems just as content to have me just as a friend instead of not at all. In fact, it seems like cutting him loose would do more harm than good at this point- and I am not saying that selfishly -I have considered it before. He does not make attachments easily and I think he would take it as a betrayal. Thank you for your honest insight, but I guess I already knew the answer before I wrote you. I am not trying to manipulate him or tease him. There are days this situation may be harder on me than it is on him. Again, I appreciate your prompt reply, even if I don't agree with everything you said or think about this situation.

Katha -- Love ya!
:grin:

allyson --

You're trying to come off here as a bit of a martyr here and I frankly don't believe your intentions are as pure as you trying to claim to be because you have so far refused to just end it when that is the route of true maturity and caring.

Actually Dave, true maturity and caring is mutual trust and respecting another person's feelings on an issue - even though that is not the easy way out. As I said, I have given him the option and I would have "cut him off" as you put it. He didn't want to go that route. He is not a young man as maybe you or these other men on this site are. I respect his decisions and I realize that he is an adult and can do whatever he wants - I cannot force his hand. I can see that this is an issue where you and I will have to simply agree to disagree and go on because we are not going to convince each other. You can choose to think of me as trying to play the martyr role if you wish but I think that you are being very narrow minded in your assessment of me. I am sorry to have bothered you with my situation. This will be the last you will have to deal with me.

I am merely responding to what you have posted here, allyson, and I'm sorry if you are not getting the kind of support you feel you deserve when you decided to come here and post a comment in this thread.

I find your treatment of your "friend" immature and cunning and that is unfortunate for him.

Thanks David, but is it really going to change anything? Perhaps not....

Everybody has his/ her personal choice though...

Hi Katha --

Love changes everything!

At least that's what Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote.

:grin:

Love the song David!

But if/ when ‘’love’’ gets self destructive….?

Katha!

"Love" never destroys -- it only heals and builds up.

If there's something tearing things down and hurting then that thing cannot be love.

Hi Katha!

I love the phrase from your language, Katha, and I certainly appreciate how you always take something sour here and make it into something sweet!
:grin:

Eric --

I agree allyson is not dealing with a true INTJ. We are not game players and we definitely don’t like to be played and he would have told her long ago where to step off.

Recently I took the Myers Briggs Indicator as well as the Humanmetrics and Kiersey Test,often numerously tested as an 'INTJ' I've briefly skimmed through the post messages' and shockingly, I found the responses on INTJ characterisitc traits, so compatible! One of the traits, I could definetly concede to, is our inevitable drive towards perfectionism; Rarely, do I dine out, but last night, I decided to, and it was the most traumatizing moment of my life! i found myself compuslively squirting hand sanitizer on the tabletp, feriously wiping to rid all the germs. to make it even worser, my waiter sat me directly behind foul stenched restrooms. I requested styrofoam cups, plastic silverware,and a carry-out tray as opposed to the glass plates, it was the worse experience,I barely finished my meal!
I've also, considered pursuing a career in the armed forces, particulary the Marines and Navy Seals.
My relationships always have been less than harmonious, one of the reason, being is when I truly fall in love with that significant other, I devote my time,and commitment, even to the point to spend forever with her, however it deteriates as she shares no interest in that kind of longterm relatinship status.
In the workplace, I'm often seen as an autocratic, perhpas assertive person. I demand respect and get it, however my ultimate downfall may be being a controlfreak, I cannot possibly have someone telling me what I need to do.
Its difficult for me to express emotion, and try to be nice when delegating duties. When I try to sugarcoat things, my tounge gets tied up, and I end up saying something completely different from what I intended to. I now began to accept and say it like it is.
I relish criticism, I'm always trying to improve my negative aspects.
I love theories, philosophies, currentlty I'm reading Jung, by Deidre Barr, it might be very common among INTJ'S, our luring interest in unsolidified theories. One thing I dislike about theories, is that they are merely specualtions,I want the hardcore factual truth! instead of assumptions of what this may have happened and what this may be a result of, nevertheless, it's interesting. That may be a reason, for my uncertainty in the Christianity and its GOD, all the biblical findings have been altered, transitioned,for the Standard english comprehension, revisors/intrepreters who converted the ancient writings of the bible to our language could have, perhaps altered the bible content, to place what the wanted us to believe, thus becoming our belief system. yes- the biblicial locations may be accurate, but so are the referenced locations in Greek mythology. could all the bible, and other religious compositions be passed-along traditional stories made solely for entertaiment, and pleasure; how can we possibly find out? I like the real hardcore facts,I'm not easily influenced nor convinced yet- what if archaelogist ventured to the Middle East and discovered heaps of treasure and reliious manuscripts it proves nothing! remember the doubtful 'do we ever land of the moon?' all the pictures and movie slides, and whatever.. proves nothing to me, being an INTJ, especially with all the modernized technological advancements spuring up today, and even back then the filmmakers had access to

(cont...) I aplogize for the last incomplete sentence fragment, and I do apologize for the length post. Any INTJ's share this view. I want to verbalize that I am a devoted chrisitian, with concerns of this matter,as i have been approach on this matter and articulately debated on this subject.

It's nice to meet you, Darrell, and I thank you for your fine comment!

Hi! I just wanted to say that I was really greatful for your "piece". As a fellow "1%"-er, I find it difficult to help other people around me understand why I am the way I am. Even down to the going to the movies in the middle of the day because it's empty. I took the test, this time at least, for my Psych class here at school, and I was so intrigued, I had my best friend and "the one that got away" take the test, and it turns out they're both INTJ's as well. Go figure! Finding this out now, (I have a 1 year old son) is really opening my eyes to who I am again, without the permanent attachment to my hip I call my son. You did a great job.

Hi Kate and welcome to the blog!

I appreciate the truth of your story and it is quite fine to meet you.

Hi, I'm an ISFJ dating a INTJ...wow, the posts on this site has helped me re-think certain interactions that I found somewhat odd. What are your thoughts on a ISFJ-INTJ pairing?

I'm an INTJ, and I don't fit in at all at my college. I like to spend time alone, reading books about science and whatnot. My roommates can't seem to understand why I never "go out and do anything." I don't like to party at all, and I can't stand making worthless social chatter with people I barely know while at said parties. Hell, the only people I'm really close to is my family; I don't have any good friends here at college. I have