Kathakali Chatterjee wrote this article.
How white are your lies? Do you ever tell any?
How white are your lies? Do you ever tell any?
Do you think you are unbeatable with them -- those tiny fibs you need to sail through so-called civilized society -- but do they harm 
anyone
given life from your lips?
My roommate called me on a Monday afternoon once.
"Hey Katha, are you home?"
I told him I was not and asked why. He wanted me to let Ori (his German Short Hair dog) out, but as he won't be able to make it before 8:00 pm, he was wondering if I could. I had to tell him I wouldn't be back before 10:30 pm as I had a class that evening.
I would have gladly done it if I were home as I share a very good friendship with Ori -- in fact I do let him out when my roommate is not home -- but it was not possible that night. Another Monday afternoon... a few weeks later... and another call from my roommate. "Hey Katha, are you home?" "No, I am not... it's Monday, remember, I have a class tonight! Why? What's up?"
My roommate - "Oh yeah! I totally forgot - I was going to that Thai/whatever exotic place with Jennifer (his girlfriend) and with a few friends of mine - I was wondering if you could join us!
Too bad you have a class tonight! It would have been fun!" Yeah right. I knew he was fibbing to me. Maybe he really wanted me to join -- but I think he was testing my honesty about having a Monday night class. I also had a tingling in my mind he had a different purpose when he called. It really doesn't matter, I guess.
It's not at all a big deal for him to test my honesty. Or is it? My intuition told me he didn't have a date with Jennifer and there was no Thai dinner. He was either testing me -- or he forgot I had a Monday night class and he felt he had to make something up to cover his forgetful memory. Does he know his "white lies" are not as white as he claims? I find it amazing.
In fact I try to put myself in the shoes of the white liar. If I were in my roommate's position I would have surrendered -- "Gee... sorry... I can't make it back home tonight... Ori had to go out... completely forgot it's Monday and you had a class..." Does that sound too naive to just tell the truth? Or does society demand a cover story?
Or, there is a chance of the other person thinking -- "What a jerk! Called again to ask a favor!" But what if, when one knows the actual truth hidden behind the "white" of the lie? Doesn't that little vulnerability makes a person more human rather than the tinge of over-smartness? I am not sure. What do you think?
anyone
given life from your lips?
My roommate called me on a Monday afternoon once.
"Hey Katha, are you home?"
I told him I was not and asked why. He wanted me to let Ori (his German Short Hair dog) out, but as he won't be able to make it before 8:00 pm, he was wondering if I could. I had to tell him I wouldn't be back before 10:30 pm as I had a class that evening.
I would have gladly done it if I were home as I share a very good friendship with Ori -- in fact I do let him out when my roommate is not home -- but it was not possible that night. Another Monday afternoon... a few weeks later... and another call from my roommate. "Hey Katha, are you home?" "No, I am not... it's Monday, remember, I have a class tonight! Why? What's up?"
My roommate - "Oh yeah! I totally forgot - I was going to that Thai/whatever exotic place with Jennifer (his girlfriend) and with a few friends of mine - I was wondering if you could join us!
Too bad you have a class tonight! It would have been fun!" Yeah right. I knew he was fibbing to me. Maybe he really wanted me to join -- but I think he was testing my honesty about having a Monday night class. I also had a tingling in my mind he had a different purpose when he called. It really doesn't matter, I guess.
It's not at all a big deal for him to test my honesty. Or is it? My intuition told me he didn't have a date with Jennifer and there was no Thai dinner. He was either testing me -- or he forgot I had a Monday night class and he felt he had to make something up to cover his forgetful memory. Does he know his "white lies" are not as white as he claims? I find it amazing.
In fact I try to put myself in the shoes of the white liar. If I were in my roommate's position I would have surrendered -- "Gee... sorry... I can't make it back home tonight... Ori had to go out... completely forgot it's Monday and you had a class..." Does that sound too naive to just tell the truth? Or does society demand a cover story?
Or, there is a chance of the other person thinking -- "What a jerk! Called again to ask a favor!" But what if, when one knows the actual truth hidden behind the "white" of the lie? Doesn't that little vulnerability makes a person more human rather than the tinge of over-smartness? I am not sure. What do you think?
Great article, Katha!
I think he was testing you about having class on Monday nights or not and he had to cover that test with lie upon lie. Ick!
Thank you David!
I am clueless about what he was trying! He has nothing to do whether I am in class till 10:00 pm at night or I am dancing somewhere. I don't expect him to remember my class schedule either!
What amazed me was why couldn't he just tell me that he forgot I had a class and he called me by mistake!
Why do people need a cover? Just to be nice?
I could see through it...does everybody? Does it bother them? Or it only me?
Oh yes...
David, it's another article that you didn't change the title!
Yay!
I was somewhat influenced by a similar kind of title...or should I say they are uniquely mine, just to give them a good cover?
Hi Katha!
He needed a cover to hide his embarrassment. It would've been great if you said, "Golly! I'll skip class for dinner with you all! See you there in 10 minutes!" Then his lies would've been revealed.
I do change titles of submitted articles all the time, Katha, but this one was on point and tricksy and just clever enough! :grin:
Never confess to being an imitator! Wind up those white lies! :mrgreen:
David!
I haven't thought about that! Really, what if I said I was going to join???
That would have been more fun!
I was so happy that forgot the rules!!!
Not changing the title means I did something right and that made me just jubilant!
Hi Katha!
Then you would've caught him in the lie without a place to hide. That's a very dangerous place to tempt.
Katha!
Heh! You do many things right, Katha! Rock on! :grin:
Katha,
I have always found it peculiar that people tell white lies "to be nice," because what is nice about a lie?
I, personally, would have preferred, "Oh, sorry, I never remember your class schedule. I was calling for a favor but I'll call someone else." Saying he was calling to invite you to dinner ends up being a ploy to make you feel guilty for not being able to join. Not cool!
Hi Katha,
'White lies.' What an introspective topic!
I find myself telling them all the time, especially to my mom. She is lonely and wants to treat me as if I were still a child. So I make up excuses that I can't come over this week because...I need to work in my garden (am not a gardener) or I have to go out of town (I'm staying in town all week.)
I can't say I am less of a person for this. Greater harm would come to her if I told her the truth.
Some people use lies as a matter of convenience, as you outlined in your article. This is unnecessary. I never compromise my morals without a good enough reason.
There are too many that lie just to lie. It becomes a way of life. I have known a couple of pathological liars (including a close relative) and they mystify me.
What are they thinking? They have no moral fiber. Lies to them are a way of life. I don't want to be that kind of person. I lament that they cannot tell the truth on a regular basis, that they are very good at the craft of lying.
"The hero of my tale-- whom I love with all the power of my soul, whom I have tried to portray in all his beauty, who has been, is, and willl be beautiful-- is Truth." Leo Tolstoy
I love the Russians!
Donna
I love the Russians!
Donna
Hi Katha,
Sorry, I sometimes do a poor job of editing and not notice I have already signed off!
Donna
Hi Katha,
One more thing. Some might criticize me and say I tell lies of convenience (as to my mom) but I say yes, but not on a regular basis. I don't make it a habit.
I guess what I'm saying is it's okay to tell white lies as long as one does not make a habit of it!
Regards,
Donna
Hi Katha,
David brought it up in one of his comments, but when I was in school I might have decided to skip a class to go to something interesting like a nice Thai restaurant.
It's interesting that he's testing you to see if you're actually going to a Monday class. I wonder why people play those types of games.
Some "white lies" are good to tell. If your significant other asks how they look or (if as she's getting out of the car to go to dinner, if her dress makes her look fat), the answer should always be she looks "beautiful."
I don't think that question is soliciting an in-depth critic of how they might be looking at the particular time. The question should be seen as covering their beauty from the whole time that you have known that person!
Emily! Right! Exactly!! Ditto!!!
I get really suprised by these "nice, little white lies" which people "think" that others don't understand...why on earth they consider that no one would see through it?
You are right about passing the buck too!
What confuses me more is I share a very good rapport with my roommate, his girlfriend, his dog and his other friends...we sometimes even watch movie and hang out together - why on earth he has to come up with such a trick???
I appreciate him trying to be nice, but it would have been nicer if he would tell me the truth!!!
Donna,
I know what you are saying and I agree with you.
I undrstand what you are saying about your Mom too. I did it when I was in college, I just stayed back on campus on weekends to have fun and told my Mom I had something important - only too find out later that she knew the truth - she chose to believe in my words.
I hope that's not true with your mother!
Sometimes you need to tell lies not to break others' heart - but for that you have to be a very smooth liar - that's an art!
Hi Chris,
It's interesting to see how you and David are resonating the same theme!
Why on earth my roommate wanna test whether I really have class at night? Why would he do that? I am clueless.
I agree with your last point - when you are saying your significant other that they are looking beautiful, you are not talking about their outward appearance.
Chris Hedges, I would say I have to disagree with you. Lying to an intuitive as seen above can be really; counterintuitive!
If someone tells me I look good when I don't, I would then no longer take their opinion seriously. I'm not going to weigh in the opinion of a people pleaser. Mind you, I am far from the average female.
I would assume the roommate in the article is also an intuitive.
In my opinion it is very possible the roommate knew you would know he was lying; as sort of revenge for the "white lie" you "told" but really didn't.
He very well could have been trying to inflict emotional damage leading them to confusion & questioning their true feelings for you. Doesn't work so well on Intuitive Thinkers.
Cheers!